Living Leather - Basic Protocol

I know that times have changed, and not too many people stress Old Guard Leather protocol these days. In my opinion, we've lost a lot of what made the Leather community special, as well as the ability to tell 24/7 Leather folk from those who aren't. An unfortunate side affect of this change, is that much of what was considered common respect in our community is going out the window. I see this as a serious problem in our communities. If you look around, you see very few people practicing basic protocol - and a very few respecting those who do.

I was first introduced to the Leather community back in the early 90s, and first got involved myself a few years later. I was mentored by a wonderful man named Padraig Hall in San Diego, California. Padraig taught me much of what Old Guard protocol was. I loved the formality and the seriousness of it. It felt like being part of something special and it was definitely something to be proud of.  I left Leather for quite a few years due to a personal situation, and when I was re introduced to the lifestyle by my Daddy, things were so different. When we go to the local Leather bar now, I see so many "vanilla" people playing on the spanking bench and St. Andrew's cross - pretending to whip one another, taking selfies, etc. I see and hear people who identify themselves as submissives, blatantly disrespecting Dominants and speaking out in ways that are anything but submissive. When people are involved in a scene, onlookers stand around talking, laughing, taking pictures, and getting in the way. I've witnessed people grabbing at, and otherwise touching someone still in head space, just coming from a scene, and just walking around grabbing and groping at people, especially those they know (or should know) are submissives. This is a very hot button issue for me, because it happens to me all the time. I'm not talking about hugs from friends. I'm talking about random people who I am not on an intimate level with, coming up and grabbing my ass, as well as other things, without consent. My close friends likely know that my Daddy has no problem with non sexual touch from those I am comfortable with - but others would have no idea whether a specific restriction might be in place. Back in the day, they would ask. Now, people just touch and grab whomever and whatever they please. All of these things are so detrimental to our community and club - and those who are living Leather.

I want our community to have a safe space to express who we are, and to learn from one another, and socialize with other Leather folk. I'm not suggesting that this can't happen with non Leather folk around. But I am suggesting that anyone wishing to hang out at a Leather bar educate themselves on basic protocol. And I am absolutely suggesting that anyone identifying themselves as part of the Leather community educate themselves on protocol and respect others accordingly. So with that being said, here's some very basic Leather public protocol, as well as a link for anyone wishing to dig into Old Guard protocol deeper to learn even more.

* Basic good manners are a great way to start - be mindful of how you speak to others, regardless of whether you identify as a Dominant or a submissive. There's just never a good reason to be rude to anyone.

* Avoid talking and otherwise being disruptive when a scene is in progress. If you must talk to someone else, do so as quietly as possible so that you aren't disturbing the scene. Be mindful that while both the Dominant and submissive involved in the scene are in head space, the submissive in the scene likely has heightened senses and even a loud whisper can be intrusive. Loud conversation and laughter while observing a scene are never ok. Once the scene is over, give those involved, the submissive especially, some time and space before approaching and touching them.

* Respect others' property - don't touch what doesn't belong to you if you don't know absolutely that it is ok. Don't touch someone's gear, including collars, toys, hoods, floggers, etc. without asking permission. Definitely don't touch someone's submissive if you haven't already been given permission.

* If you're a Dominant - that doesn't mean that every submissive you encounter is in service to you.

* Submissives - I cannot stress this enough - you are expected to act with utmost respect and humility. At all times, be respectful of any and all Dominants in your presence. Snarky, rude comments are not ok, especially around Dominants - regardless of whether you like them or not. Remember that your behavior in public is a direct reflection of your Dominant, and if you aren't collared and hope to be - it is also a reflection of your attitude and place in the Leather community.

To read more about Old Guard protocol, go to  http://www.hotlanta.com/SirRealX/oldguard.htm

These are really basic protocols that would make our public spaces more inviting to those who live Leather, and a better place for everyone to learn and explore. It's really very simple - the guidelines for being a good Leather or kink person are essentially the same as generally being a good person. Be kind and respectful to others, watch out for, and support each other, respect your home bar(s) and the people in it. Never stop exploring and learning, and having fun in your environment - and setting examples for others new to the community.


As a Leather boy, and a board member of a Leather boy club - I want to breathe some life back into basic protocol, and encourage not just other boys - but everyone - to get back to really living Leather - both privately as well as publicly.

In Love and Leather
boy Lucky

Exploring the Daddy/boy Dynamic

All relationship dynamics in the Leather community are going to operate a little differently depending on the people in those relationships. I will frequently start discussions on different dynamics, and hope to get good conversation going in the comments. For this post, I want to focus on the Daddy/boy dynamic because that is the dynamic I am a part of. And this is my own personal observation - another boy's may differ. There isn't, in my opinion, a singular way to do Daddy/boy.  These relationships can be primarily sexual in nature, and only explored in the bedroom (or dungeon) but they often transcend sexual role play and can become a way of life. That is how my dynamic works. As stated in the pinned post - 'What is a boy?', Daddies can be of either gender, sexuality, etc. A boy can also be of either gender/sexuality. It's what those individuals bring to the dynamic that is important. It is my opinion that a Daddy must possess particular attitudes and qualities to adequately teach and guide a boy. Daddies should be clear and firm in their expectations, they should not waiver on things such as protocol and responsibility. They should maintain a firm grip, but know when to loosen it and be affectionate and calming. They should carry themselves with pride and show pride in their boy as well. They should also not be afraid to show their vulnerable side to their boy. Real trust comes from being able to be vulnerable together, and allowing oneself to be honest and open, and authentic. And likewise, a boy should be absolutely devoted to, and loyal to their Daddy. A boy should always do their best to follow protocol, both established community protocol, and that set forth by their Daddy. A boy should strive to please their Daddy and to maintain a high level of respect and servitude both in private as well as in public. A boy should be completely open and honest and act with absolute integrity - especially in public, because the boy's attitude and behavior is a direct reflection of the guidance and training their Daddy has provided. A boy is best able to serve, and be an asset to their Daddy and their community when they are given credit when it is due and made to feel empowered in their submission. It is important to point out that not all boys have a Daddy and that doesn't make them any less important to the community and to their fellow boys. A boy without a Daddy should still carry themselves with pride and integrity, and be of service to the community, following protocol and staying ready for when their Daddy finds them.

Daddies are a boy's mentor and role model. As in other facets of our daily lives, a Daddy/boy relationship is about growth and focus - and growth leads to wisdom and emotional maturity. In a 24/7 relationship especially, true intimacy is achieved through a boy being able to give themselves over to their Daddy without fear or hesitation.  I also believe that a boy should be given independence and the freedom to make some decisions in line with their Daddy's rules and expectations. But they should also be held accountable for their decisions, and when a decision is made that goes outside the rules, they should expect to be reprimanded and take that willingly and with humility. Even when being punished - a boy should feel grateful for the opportunity to learn and grow.

Because these relationship dynamics can vary so much, it is important when under consideration by a potential Daddy, that honest communication take place, and that both the Daddy and boy set forth their expectations and negotiate to make sure everyone is on the same page. This is vital to a healthy, fulfilling Daddy/boy relationship. For example, a Daddy who desires a very submissive boy who gives up complete control, may not be happy with a boy like me, who is playful and rambunctious. A Daddy who wants a playful, silly boy may not be well suited for a boy who wishes to be a slave.  It is so important for a boy to communicate his limits, special needs, fears and interests to a potential Daddy, as well as for that Daddy to clearly communicate their expectations, and consequences for not meeting those expectations.

When the dynamic is explored with integrity, honesty and pride in protocol and community, the Daddy/boy dynamic is a wonderful space to be in. I hope to see more and more boys out in the community, and to get back to a place where protocol is of the utmost importance - not just between a Daddy and a boy - but within our Leather community as well.

In Love and Leather,
boy Lucky

What is a boy?

A leatherboy can be any age, size, gender, or sexual orientation. The main thing that sets us apart from other leathermen is that leatherboys are non dominant.

We choose to serve our Sir, Daddy, Master, and our Community. Just be cause we are boys and submissives; doesn't mean that we are going to be your bitch. boys are not doormats, they have a voice and they have rights.

A boy can be a top, bottom, or versatile; this is mostly determined by the Dominant involved, and/or the scene the boy is involved in. We have a youthful and playful personality and enjoy having fun and bringing life to the community. There are many types of boys that range from your strict leatherboy who lives and follows a more extreme set of protocols as they serve, to the boy who needs a daddy, and enjoys being fun and mischievous, and there are those that just enjoy leather and kinky sex.

Leatherboys are free to be who they are as long as they are meeting the needs that their Dominant has for them. There is an unspoken code that us boys live by, boys are honest, loyal, compassionate, full of integrity, trustworthy, proud, and have the heart of a servant.